First Step to Getting Your Life Back
Also available at http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Tennier1.html
Do you often feel that you don't belong to you. That everybody is getting a part and you are left with the crumbs. If you are ready to carve a piece in the buffet of life for yourself, but the idea frightens you because it seems too big to undertake, take heart.
Let's start with one step: STOP EVERYTHING. Cancel all activities, "should's", engagements that are not your work or something that is absolutely necessary for your survival, like eating, bathing (this one is a preferable, not necessary) and sleeping. Yes you can get the kids to Scouts or ballet, but only if there is absolutely nobody who can do it for you, for free or for a price. Avoid as much as possible to commit to anything in return, at least for the next month or so. It also means to cancel all social, volunteer or other activities, unless they are something you really know you will enjoy doing. This is necessary to give yourself some breathing space. Don't worry, you won't have to do it for a long time. Just enough so that you can sit by yourself and get to know your SELF, really know who is behind all that frenzy and activity. Simple, isn't it? Easy? No. How are you going to be able to do it then?
First, you must decide if you really mean business to put yourself up there in your life. Because, until you actually decide to give your SELF top priority, it simply will not happen. To achieve this, you will have to do things you are probably not very good at yet: be Self Ish. See how I wrote the word. Being Self Ish means be good to your Self. Selfish has a bad reputation. Rightly so. We have all met those who only think of themselves, never consider other people's feelings or needs, seem to do a lot of navel gazing and are generally not nice to other people. On the other hand, we have all met other people who never seem to want anything for themselves, or have any opinion. They only want to please and be loved in return. Except they often become angry, or depressed, resentful that nobody seems to appreciate all they have done for them. These individuals are not very attractive either.
So what is the solution? Making a commitment to honour your wonderful Self. Then taking one action each day to increase the way you take care of your Self: physically, emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually.
Here are some ways I take care of myself: I leave for work fifteen minutes early to avoid feeling rushed; another day, I make sure I go out of the office for at least 20 minutes - just getting in the car, turning on the music is a break from my work; if time and weather permit, I walk for about 20 minutes and eat my lunch when I return; I take time to shower and change before making dinner, it's unbelievable how a 5 minute shower can refresh you like a 30 minute nap (to try tomorrow). A walk in nature, a swim in the lake.
What is it all about? The trick is to learn to slow down. Lily Tomlin said it well: "For fast acting relief, try slowing down". Once you have slowed down, you will be in a better place to know what you really need and want.
Marguerite Tennier, M.A.
